Enlightment

This morning, I received a link from Cindy. It's a song called "You are for Me" by Kari Jobe. Listening to this song over and over again with my eyes closed, I felt that God was right beside me. I was quite sure He was and He whispered to me to "Hang on" like what my mom have been telling me the last few days. I think I felt him patting me on my head before He left. Imagination? I have no idea.. but it felt really real.


Then, tears just run down my cheeks. It's a mixed feeling but I am pretty sure I felt the feeling of relieved being in there. No more giving up to depression for I will hang on. For He will not forsake me in my weakness, I should not be giving up this easily.


I also know that He is not the only one who will not forsake me in my weakness. My mother, my brother, my relatives have been there by my side too to help me overcoming this obstacle. Of course, to my dear friends too. Thanks for not forsaking me in my weakness. I really am grateful that you guys tried to cheer me up in every way!~ ♥

Being Homesick

This is going to be quite an emotional/whiny post. So, if you plan on calling me ungrateful or to judge me in any sort of negative way, I suggest you to stop reading and just exit this browser. This girl need to release some emotion or she'll blow up into million pieces.


Last week, this very same day, I could be described as cheerful, crazy and fun! All that has changed. I am now Audrey the moody, depressed and lifeless.


My first placement at SJK (C) Chung Hua Engkilili brought me to know nice colleagues. A bunch of nice people who I can see been helping me to adapt to the life there. So far, that's the only positive thing I can feel being there.


I know, I know. Compared to most of my coursemates, I am considered to be lucky to be placed at a school that could be reached by road. Constant electricity and water supply as well as being able to have Internet and mobile line.


However, being brought up in a family of single parent, I dare to say that I am deeply attached to my mom and my brother. To top it off, my mother suffers from thyroiditis which affects her heart. Her condition is getting worse and she's living alone. It just hurt my heart and soul not to be able to stay with her and to look after her. Every single day being away from her is killing me.


When I'm in Engkilili, I failed to put my heart and soul into educating the pupils there. Their main communication language is Mandarin and being as banana as I am, I can't seem to communicate with them effectively. I had to rojakkan my Mandarin, Bahasa and English just to deliver a simple message. Unlike my last Internship, I have not yet discover that same passion and fire to teach and to love teaching...


My living condition there does not help either. As it is a small town, it is hard to find a rental place where I could walk to my working place. Currently, I am living in a room that was once a store with poor air ventilation. Sun ray and wind could not reach my room. Hence, I need to switch on the light which made the room more humid. I'm anticipating heat-stroke anytime soon. Oh and I can't use any electrical appliances with high voltage or else I'll lose my only electric socket there is!


I guess this is one of the down time in my life. I'm super emo and super homesick right now. However, I do believe in time, it'll heal together with God's help. For now, I guess I need to whine it out.


So, be grateful with your current life if it does not give you any difficulty! Love thy parents cause you'll definitely misses them when you have to be apart from them!

The Much Awaited News

The much awaited news that bound to come has finally arrived. I woke up to a call that excitedly exclaimed our placement's out. Hence, I called JPN Sarawak anxiously. Fifth call and it got through. My placement: SJK (C) Chung Hua Engkilili, Lubok Antu, Sarawak.


The first thing that disturbed me was not its location but rather the fact that it is a Chinese school. I was shocked to find out that I got posted to a Chinese school when I barely know how to converse in Mandarin, what's more to say to be able to read or write in Chinese! However, I am grateful that it is just a four hours drive from Kuching. Road accessible, electricity, water supply, phone line, all there. To add to a bonus point is that the school is located inside a town!


I headed out to JPN Sarawak to collect my placement letter. The attitude of the two officers who handed me the letter made my day worse. FRIENDLY is definitely not a word to describe them. I really felt like a dumb person that got thrown into a cage of vicious lions. All I could do during those 10 minutes was nodding and talking in a soft voice.



Anyhow, I guess I can't run from this fact, no matter how much I wanted to. I am just praying to God to guide me for what is best in my life and to give me the strength to get through this stage step by step. Oh how I miss my carefree childhood life now!